Ooh. What? Where is this?
Where do you think it is?
Well, I was fixing my computer's power supply, and I remember a huge bang and some smoke, so it may not have been entirely switched off, which would make this the hospital?
It's not a hospital, because they are more for people who are not entirely dead.
Ah, thanks for breaking that to me gently. But, hang on, I can't be dead, because I'm talking to you. I couldn't be doing this without at least my brain still being alive.
That's a grey area, because strictly speaking you never had a brain, and don't need one. It's true the monkey creature had a brain of sorts, and that since you possessed it at birth you got the impression you actually were that monkey. But they're not intelligent in their own right, and really just act as vehicles for us.
Ooh, that's a bit of a shock, though I seem to be taking it very calmly.
That'll be the lack of a body based on glands, which has many advantages. Though I do miss some aspects of the monkey life...
Do we have any physical options, like sending messages to the living?
In a way, but it's not very practical. We don't have fine enough control for talking, it always comes out as wailing or unidentifiable spooky noises.
But I could, say, manifest an electrical signal that starts and stops?
Yes, you can make lights go on and off, cause strange cold spots and all that stuff, but it always seems rather childish really.
Right. So what happens next? Do I get another monkey creature to possess?
It depends. Did you believe in reincarnation?
No, it seemed silly without the crucial tip that I not only have an immortal soul, but am it.
There's a long queue for new lives, and we like to give priority to the ones who expect to come back, as they'd be more disappointed to be held back.
Ah, right, so what do I get?
Did you believe in eternal damnation and torment at all?
Let me see. No, I'm sure I never believed in or expected that in any way.
Good, that one's always messy. And noisy. Will you be wanting the clouds and harps then?
No, I always believed in the afterlife as a cybercafe with good broadband access. Can I have that?
Of course, everyone gets what they expect.
Then make it a very big one, and tell everyone else to come around: I'm sure lots of the monkeys will be pleased to get email from here. I wonder if someone's already taken deadletter.org?